This is a very difficult time when you want to encourage and help your children yet finances are, of course, an issue. It also seems as though you have 2 children going to college at the same time, which creates an even greater financial burden. A judge would look at the finances of the family – and since you clearly desire to help your children as much as you are able, a judge would take that into consideration. It would depend a lot on the ability of you and your ex-wife to pay for college educations, also while balancing the need for both of you to maintain your retirement accounts and ability for both of you to save for your futures. Parent loans, student loans and aid may all figure in to the plan. Since communication is clearly a very difficult issue you may want to consider mediation to deal with college planning. You certainly want to be involved in choices of schools and participate in the decision making process with your children. Mediation of the issue of college planning, choice of college and financial obligation would allow you and your ex-spouse the ability to communicate and come to mutually acceptable agreements on who to proceed. I hope this answer helps during this difficult time.